Beware of heavy sarcasm here. Like, heavy. I'm not trying to be rude or anything, but ugh, non-writers, ya feel me?
Without further ado, here are The Answers I WANT to Give to 10 Questions I Get About Writing...
|*took a pic of this gorgeous sunset last week*|
1. SO WHEN ARE YOU GOING TO PUBLISH YOUR BOOK? If I had a chapter done for every time I've heard this then I would be finished a million books and they could be freaking published already and you could stop asking me this question!! Gah. Please people, I know you're just trying to take interest in my "little book" but this is the most annoying thing (I find anyway) that you can ask about. When my book is published, you will know about it. Trust me.
2. SO CAN YOU SEND ME A "FREE" COPY WHEN IT'S READY? People usually don't put this in so many words, but you know what they're getting at. And the answer is no. I slaved over this stupid trash-nugget for weeks and months and maybe even years. The heck you get it for free after all the blood, sweat and tears I put into it to get it here.
3. WOW, YOU'RE ACTUALLY KINDA SERIOUS ABOUT THIS WRITING STUFF? Uh. Yeah. I am. Is that actually a question?
4. NO, BUT LIKE, WHEN ARE YOU GOING TO GET A REAL JOB? Probably around the same time you get an open-mind and realize that books and the art of writing them is one of the most important and influential things there are.
Or when I need actual monies. But until then...
5. I JUST HEARD OF [INSERT RANDOM SUCCESS STORY/PUBLISHING COMPANY/FRIEND OF MINE WHO DID THIS] METHOD OF PUBLISHING AND IT WORKED GREAT! WHY NOT LOOK INTO IT? In a word, no.
6. SO TELL ME ABOUT THE STORY *gives synopsis* NO, I MEAN, TELL ME ABOUT THE WHOLEEE STORY! I don't have much to say to this, other than...
7. *OLDER PERSON/PERSON WITH DIFFERENT LIFE IDEAS AND OPINIONS THAN ME* SO WHAT'S THIS BOOK ABOUT? Haha...ha...ha...ha. *desperately flailing to try and tone down the death/murder/villainy/darkness that was spawned by my imagination in an effort to keep you from thinking I am of the Devil or have otherwise been compromised*
8. YOU HAVE VOICES CALLED "YOUR CHARACTERS" IN YOUR HEAD? 'Kay, I promise I'm not insane...totally promise.
9. WHAT DO YOU LIKE TO WRITE ABOUT? Angst. Yes, I am morbid, yes I am weird, yes I am dark, yes I love making fictional people suffer. Sue me.
10. SO WHAT'S YOUR WRITING PROCESS LIKE? Whyyyy do you torment me with this question?? How am I supposed to answer this honestly while not looking like a completely lazy good-for-nothing?